Wednesday, January 6, 2010

They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab, But I Said No...

Metaphorically speaking of course. . . .

The first time I saw you, I wasnt interested in using you. I wasnt interested in what you'd do for me, nor was I interested in how you'd make me feel. I didnt find you appealing but yet there was some mystery to you.. and sooner than later I found myself intrigued by what would happen If I gave you a try. . .

It started off slow, I was taking you hit by hit.. puff by puff... not thinking about it.. not even letting you faze me.. I was good, I was in control and I had you at my leisure. could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

It took me some time to get use to you, but after I did.. I started growing fonder and fonder of the feeling you made me have. I was glad that you could make me smile, make me feel good, but scared cuz I didnt want to get attached.

Who would of thought, after a couple months, I'd get use to the feeling.. who knew I'd want you more and more after the first try. I let you in my life, only to realize now that you took me over. I was no longer in control. It's like I was on a high. . . . for days and days at a time.

When I felt bad, you made me feel good.. When I felt sad you made me feel good. Who ever knew too much of a good thing could be bad for you.. cuz I sure didnt. Low and behold.. I found my self stuck.. wanting and needing more of this "good" thing.

Then you turned bad.. in a instance in a second you became my worst enemy.. once felt so good to have you in my life, one little harmless puff one simple snort one innocent sip turned into a plethora of drug filled days.... I was no longer doing it for fun, no longer in control of my life, I was now a statistic... of the many women in the world who were in my shoes, the one's that thought they couldnt get addicted but did.

Many nights
I cried and screamed.. tossed and turned because I knew you werent good for me, my friends and family tried to take you away, and forbade me from ever using you again. They saw what I didnt see, and even as a new found addict, they still loved and accepted me.

Now endless nights of withdraw occur... I'm trying slowly but surely to wheen myself off of you. I went to the hospital and pulled out all the iv's and tossed all the pills... because I wanted to be strong on my own, for too long i let this drug hold my hand, i let this drug guide the way, i let this drug control my life, i let this drug control my thoughts. I let this drug live MY LIFE. this drug lived for me. Sadly but true...

But I am now in recovery. I have stayed away from all things things that remind me of this drug, even changed my numbers so this drug dealer will not contact me to reel me back in. Everyday it is a constant battle, and every day i am consistent in prayer with God that i will over come this sin.

Frown upon me for being in rehab, I dont care. Judge all you'd like. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. So, let me begin...
Hello, My name is Rochelle Golden. I am a recovering addict.

1 comment:

  1. Yup. Def can relate to this post too. I like how you used the metaphor of falling someone as an addiction. Because, in all honestly, sometimes falling for someone is just like an addiction. Easy to fall into and hard to get rid of..