Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Here it is. The core of my entire existence.
The very reason why I still stand on my own two feet.
The reason why i laugh, i cry, I smile, I live...
the very reason why I can even function.
What would I do with out it.. ? I wouldn't even be possible to fathom my internal with out it.
It regulates and circulates necessities throughout my soul, it gives me strength
The will to fight, when times are cold.
It makes me share love with those around...
The belief that mine is so big, makes me me more eager to share it.
Having this, possessing this, crucial yet so basic tool
makes me sane, and has the ability, when tampered, abused, misused, to hurt.
It aches when times are hard, it races when I get anxious, It slows down when I'm calm
But through it all.... it never stops. What a blessing.
I take good care of it, give it everything it deserves.
I would never harm it or leave it to fight on its own.
I mean without it, I would be nothing.
I must admit, I've set it up for failure.
...I opened it up, just a little too much. Just a little to fast.
And, similar to a virus on windows vista, it came crashing down.
Just a little.. too.. fast.
It broke literally, feels like it shattered in a billion pieces.
I tried everything, tape, glue, cement, to fix it, of course metaphorically speaking.
I prayed for it, because God knew exactly what to do.
He gave me some advice to take, to fix it just like new.
He told me it would take time, he said it would take patience.
I had to believe, the pain was so unbearable, I could just feel it bleed.
Once, I got it together. Once I finally, got it back on its feet.
Here comes faithful ol' cupid.. waiting with that bow and arrow..
watching my every move, anticipating the exact moment, he would take it from me.
I'm telling you, I did everything in my power to hide, to guide, to protect.
After all, I couldn't give it all any more, because you see,
my all, is all, that I had left.
But here comes faithful ol' trust, and Forgiveness,
waiting outside my door.
I was trying to make excuses for why I had to keep it...
Then I realized that I couldn't do it any more.
I guess, I was a little selfish, okay maybe a lot.
But I had every right to be.
I wanted to take another, and keep both all for me.
But then then my conscience told me
that being greedy isn't right, but i figured if i had someone's else's
Then I would be alright. Right?
Instead of playing with my own, and taking risks and dangerous leaps.
I used my back up device, for trial and error
and boy did I abuse it...
I could see It was beat.
So I guess now it was time, for me to make the right choice.
It was time for me to open this, to share it, to let another take good care
I wish that I could give it and give it back,
this whole love thing just isn't fair
But I realized, that people do this all the time,
that if i'm strong enough that things will work in my favor
in due time.
So i went to the store
bought a box, and some pretty ribbon.
I even bought special tissue paper
For this gift, in preparation, for it to be given.
I took it out of my bare body,
reached deep down in my soul.
Held the beating artery, and ....boy, it felt so cold.
I placed it in this box, and tied the ribbon,
oh so tight.
It fit so effortlessly, the packaging was just right.
I put it in the mail, with no return address.
I hope that it would get to you, in one piece, i hope i doesn't make a mess.
The postman said you received it.
The directions said, "open in the dark"
..."this is something that you have been deserving, that i've been meaning to give.."
"So when you are ready, you can have it, i promise... "
Now I know you are probably thinking, why are you giving away something so
precious, so unique... that isn't smart.
Well, I want you to cherish and value this gift to you.
MY HEART <3.