Til' Death Do Us Part

Well,

I havent blogged in a while;; since i 1st created this MASTERPIECE. but everything good happens in due time. correct?

January 19th, 2010 i turned the big 21 and january 22nd, 2010 I got married to Airman First class Anthony Maurice Davenport.

Now I know many may be SKEPTICAL about me being married because of the following reasons.

1. i'm "too young" last time i checked 18 was the legal age of decision making

2. we havent been together "long enough" or we dont know each other " well enough". but in the end, what is time really? a pure figment of your imagination, life is short. So why wait? and in the end you can be with some one 50 years and still not really "know" them, so in conclusion. i have know regrets.

Its only been approx. 5 days, not long enough i must admit to really grasp the whole marriage concept... will be a month that we've been married in about four weeks and even still i dont thnk i'll be ready to accept the fact.

I know i have a lot of naysayers on the issue of marriage at this current moment and time in my life, but in regards to my life, and my happiness. WHO REALLY MATTERS BUT HIM AND I?

furthermore, i believe that if we have and use GOD as our foundation, everything detrimental to the growth and development of our relationship shall crumble. Amen.

I am happy. period. I cant explain the feeling. Its like a feeling of accomplishment, a feeling of completion in a sense. It feels like a breath of fresh air... and honestly, i feel that i am ready to take on whatever marriage has to offer. After all, if we are going to continue to be intimate and make all these life long plans, i'd rather do it with the grace of GOD. period.

He's military, so basically everything is taken care of (my health, education, housing, food ect and even down the line education and health for our kids Aniyah Faith and Christian Anthony* (yes we have baby names already, we're GAY i know lol)--and honestly finances are our biggest ISSUE. that's really much it, and right now we're arguing over what color bed spread will we have in our bedroom, he's focused on getting a big screen. (typical guys pshhh).

Overall, I know the consequences of my actions, and even though this marriage has come a lot sooner than i expected, i am excited and content on what's to come. There's nothing more rewarding than having someone to help you and support you and love you unconditionally everyday for the rest of your life. Sounds too good to be true huh?

Well, the purpose of this blog was just to enlighten folks on the real deal of my situation, and of course everyone is entitled to their own personal opinions.

So with that being said.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab, But I Said No...

Metaphorically speaking of course. . . .


The first time I saw you, I wasnt interested in using you. I wasnt interested in what you'd do for me, nor was I interested in how you'd make me feel. I didnt find you appealing but yet there was some mystery to you.. and sooner than later I found myself intrigued by what would happen If I gave you a try. . .

It started off slow, I was taking you hit by hit.. puff by puff... not thinking about it.. not even letting you faze me.. I was good, I was in control and I had you at my leisure. could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

It took me some time to get use to you, but after I did.. I started growing fonder and fonder of the feeling you made me have. I was glad that you could make me smile, make me feel good, but scared cuz I didnt want to get attached.

Who would of thought, after a couple months, I'd get use to the feeling.. who knew I'd want you more and more after the first try. I let you in my life, only to realize now that you took me over. I was no longer in control. It's like I was on a high. . . . for days and days at a time.

When I felt bad, you made me feel good.. When I felt sad you made me feel good. Who ever knew too much of a good thing could be bad for you.. cuz I sure didnt. Low and behold.. I found my self stuck.. wanting and needing more of this "good" thing.

Then you turned bad.. in a instance in a second you became my worst enemy.. once felt so good to have you in my life, one little harmless puff one simple snort one innocent sip turned into a plethora of drug filled days.... I was no longer doing it for fun, no longer in control of my life, I was now a statistic... of the many women in the world who were in my shoes, the one's that thought they couldnt get addicted but did.

Many nights I cried and screamed.. tossed and turned because I knew you werent good for me, my friends and family tried to take you away, and forbade me from ever using you again. They saw what I didnt see, and even as a new found addict, they still loved and accepted me.

Now endless nights of withdraw occur... I'm trying slowly but surely to wheen myself off of you. I went to the hospital and pulled out all the iv's and tossed all the pills... because I wanted to be strong on my own, for too long i let this drug hold my hand, i let this drug guide the way, i let this drug control my life, i let this drug control my thoughts. I let this drug live MY LIFE. this drug lived for me. Sadly but true...

But I am now in recovery. I have stayed away from all things things that remind me of this drug, even changed my numbers so this drug dealer will not contact me to reel me back in. Everyday it is a constant battle, and every day i am consistent in prayer with God that i will over come this sin.

Frown upon me for being in rehab, I dont care. Judge all you'd like. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. So, let me begin... Hello, My name is Rochelle Golden. I am a recovering addict.

Forever21

So,

Now that i'm getting the hang of this 'blogger trend'... all i need is some followers and insight. sooo.....if anybody is out there, help a sista out!!!! leave a comment, show some love, whatever!

okay, now on to the serious business. my birthday is in approx. 14 days & i go on a cruise with the hunnie in like 17 days, not to mention his birthday is like 9 days away... oh em gee.

Btw;; i really NEED to get him a gift;; i dkn what tho.... ughhhhhhh :/ smgdh! and time is ticking away. ne ideas?

21? like i cant believe it. I thought 18 was legit, but like damn! 21?!?!!? heck, i still look like im like 17. [[no pun intended]]--with age, comes more responsibility. damn. and more financial ties.

btw;; i still owe BOA. need to get that taken care of. asap.

im not really excited;; i feel that time is going wayyyy to fast;; a life is flashing by my eyes, way too soon. so much on my mind, i can barely contain it.

Looking forward to this cruise to the BAHAMAS... really hoping that i have the time of my life. really hope there isnt any drama. hell really hope i dont get stuck there or kidnapped from some islander... but then again, the boytoy is crazy. so the likelihood of that happening is like slim to zero

okay, enough about me, i def need to use this blog for the sake of others. i need to make my blog be beneficial is someone's life, one way or another.

kinda glad i started writing again;; feels good (smiley face)

So after my cruise;; i feel like reality is gonna bite me in the ass. this semester taking all of my hard classes... booooo!!!! and its make it or break it.. and i have to get my grades and gpa so that i can accomplish some more great goals next year [[[madddd subliminal]]] seriously.

life is like a box of chocolates... but id prefer mike and ikes lol

Random. Dueces.

Signed,

Forever21

Aint nothing Like The First Time

Rochelle (Ro-She-LL) noun. is the name.

Yes. My last name REALLY is GOLDEN.

This is MY FIRST TIME BLOGGING:: I LIKE TO TALK, I LIKE TO WRITE...SO LETS SEE HOW THIS GOES.

What is " DAT DEAL" ?

Urban term in my own words for " the total package".

Brains, Beauty, and of course. BIG BREASTS. Lol.

Seriously, Being "that deal", means to posses all the qualities that people admire.

Being talented, being intelligent, being beautiful (not just by society standards), and being an over all

well rounded person.... despite what you've gone thru in the past.

Chelle is what you call me when I let you in my inner circle. Dat Deal is my alter ego/alias Capricorn tendencies..being hard headed and a (REBEL) is fun to me....

Chicago;;my city--my humble aboad. iRep[708].

Music is my passion;; twirling my flag is my past time.Easy to love;; in both senses of the phrase. Life of the party;; even though i dont like to party. Live life to the fullest bc 2moro is never a gauruntee.

Sociology is my major';;--criminal justice is my minor [[people interest me]]--goals are high--ambition is even higher.

GOD is my foundation;;friends give me joy;; my DADDY motivates me--my family is my backbone. I text, i shop, i rhyme, i dance, i sing... triple quad-rouple-double threat.

I like the color pink. A lot.

&& For The RECORD Nikki Minaj is A BEAST. WORD.

Despite ALL THE RUMors. I STILL LOVE CHRIS BROWN. HE'S OD TALENTED.

♥ --ilovetolove;; i love hard, and laugh even harder.

S.I.L.K.Y

are my sisters, thhe FORCE is my fam

I Have a bf. He's more than I could have ever imagined. Thee Best. Airmen Anthony M. Davenport. [[5.24.09]]

SN: Stick with us were going places....

Hampton University is my home by the sea ♥

My ipod is my therapy;; my Scion tc is my [[treasure]]--

Money is my MOTIVATION! Education is my REALITY.

Self explanitory[[in more ways than one]]

So in conclusion.....

Know me before you Judge Me ♥

A Gift

Here it is. The core of my entire existence.
The very reason why I still stand on my own two feet.
The reason why i laugh, i cry, I smile, I live...
the very reason why I can even function.
What would I do with out it.. ? I wouldn't even be possible to fathom my internal with out it.
It regulates and circulates necessities throughout my soul, it gives me strength
The will to fight, when times are cold.
It makes me share love with those around...
The belief that mine is so big, makes me me more eager to share it.
Having this, possessing this, crucial yet so basic tool
makes me sane, and has the ability, when tampered, abused, misused, to hurt.
It aches when times are hard, it races when I get anxious, It slows down when I'm calm
But through it all.... it never stops. What a blessing.
I take good care of it, give it everything it deserves.
I would never harm it or leave it to fight on its own.
I mean without it, I would be nothing.
I must admit, I've set it up for failure.
...I opened it up, just a little too much. Just a little to fast.
And, similar to a virus on windows vista, it came crashing down.
Just a little.. too.. fast.
It broke literally, feels like it shattered in a billion pieces.
I tried everything, tape, glue, cement, to fix it, of course metaphorically speaking.
I prayed for it, because God knew exactly what to do.
He gave me some advice to take, to fix it just like new.
He told me it would take time, he said it would take patience.
I had to believe, the pain was so unbearable, I could just feel it bleed.
Once, I got it together. Once I finally, got it back on its feet.
Here comes faithful ol' cupid.. waiting with that bow and arrow..
watching my every move, anticipating the exact moment, he would take it from me.
I'm telling you, I did everything in my power to hide, to guide, to protect.
After all, I couldn't give it all any more, because you see,
my all, is all, that I had left.
But here comes faithful ol' trust, and Forgiveness,
waiting outside my door.
I was trying to make excuses for why I had to keep it...
Then I realized that I couldn't do it any more.
I guess, I was a little selfish, okay maybe a lot.
But I had every right to be.
I wanted to take another, and keep both all for me.
But then then my conscience told me
that being greedy isn't right, but i figured if i had someone's else's
Then I would be alright. Right?
Instead of playing with my own, and taking risks and dangerous leaps.
I used my back up device, for trial and error
and boy did I abuse it...
I could see It was beat.
So I guess now it was time, for me to make the right choice.
It was time for me to open this, to share it, to let another take good care
I wish that I could give it and give it back,
this whole love thing just isn't fair
But I realized, that people do this all the time,
that if i'm strong enough that things will work in my favor
in due time.
So i went to the store
bought a box, and some pretty ribbon.
I even bought special tissue paper
For this gift, in preparation, for it to be given.
I took it out of my bare body,
reached deep down in my soul.
Held the beating artery, and ....boy, it felt so cold.
I placed it in this box, and tied the ribbon,
oh so tight.
It fit so effortlessly, the packaging was just right.
I put it in the mail, with no return address.
I hope that it would get to you, in one piece, i hope i doesn't make a mess.
The postman said you received it.
The directions said, "open in the dark"
..."this is something that you have been deserving, that i've been meaning to give.."
"So when you are ready, you can have it, i promise... "
Now I know you are probably thinking, why are you giving away something so
precious, so unique... that isn't smart.
Well, I want you to cherish and value this gift to you.
Now presenting.
MY HEART <3.