I've been meaning to blog about relationships for a while and share my insight but i've been extremely busy and partially lazy, but nevertheless. late is always better than never so let's begin.
A lot of my friends have been coming to me about their problems, mainly dealing with relationships, being that i've been in a ton of relationships and some of the toughest, craziest, confusing one's I can understand why i serve as the "Go to Guru". . .lbs, anyway. A lot of my friends are dealing with tough relationships that are on the verge of becoming non-existent while some other relationships have really just reached the point of no return. With that being said, I'd like to share my insight based on my own personal experiences. No i am not a counselor nor do I think I hold the answers to every relationship problem, HOWEVER, i d o indeed feel that i've been around the block a couple times and bumped my head enough to know some of the in's and out's of handling a relationship especially one that has taken a turn for the worse.
i'd like to point out a few things if you don' t mind so. . pardon my realness.
1. never tell your relationship business to your single friends, or your friends in general for that matter. . . .I truly believe that whatever goes on in your relationship should stay in your relationship, only if the dude is beating your ass of course, then that would be a good time to speak up. I just learned that when you get people involved in your business and your relationship, your emotions become a big ball of confusion, and sometimes you act according to what advice your friend gave or you act out of character in order not to look to 'naive' or too 'dumb' or sprung' fact of the matter you can't help who you love. . and i don't care what no one has to say, love will make you do crazy ridiculous obscene things real talk. . . but with this statement being stated, if you feel the need to vent talk to a close family member or a friend you consider family, because believe it or not, some of your friends may give you advice based out of their own spitefulness and --**disclaimer--** avoid putting your emotions on social networking sites . . . this just causes room for more drama and more setbacks. never give the public the satisfaction of seeing you down.
2. when things get rough. . give it time. I wish that i would have learned this early on in the game, this would have saved me a lot of time, heartache, and headache. I really believe that when things get rough between to people, time apart becomes the make it or break it factor. I don't care how much you love that person, or how many horoscopes you read. . . if it isn't meant to be it wont be and there won't be anything under the sun that you or anyone else can do to fix it. I use to be the type of girl that would call him repeatedly and leave emotional voice-mails. i'd be the dramatic one to tell him i couldn't live with out him and ask him over and over why he didn't love me or care about me and how could he hurt me so bad. . .but the only thing that made me look like is a dumb-ass. Seriously, i had to realize that you should never sweat someone who isn't sweating you. I mean hell, if he isn't loosing any sleep than you shouldn't be either, and that's real rap. So to sum it up, I believe that when a couple is at the stage of breaking up and things are bad. . . both parties should step a way and take time and figure things out, because there is nothing worse when a person bugs you when they are trying to figure things out for themselves, and you begging them not to leave or trying to rationalize things will do absolutely nothing but ADD fuel to the fire....
3, don't make him a priority when you are just an option. . .
this statement is true for many reasons. never make a man or woman a priority when you are just something to do in their eyes. if he is going out partying not having a care in the world then neither should you. I mean don't be fake and try to throw guys all in his face when clearly you aren't over him, because that's just dumb and pointless, he knows it and you know it. But I don't believe that anyone should but too much energy into anyone if they wouldn't do the same, but for some reason, i really believe this is common sense.
4. Realize when enough is enough. . .
I don't know about you, but i was the type that just did not want to walk away from the situation, i don't care how bad it was, i mean it could have been the most unhealthy situation, and during that period of time it didn't matter because i just wanted to work out so bad. . it was terrible. I just feel like people now a days need to learn up front what's acceptable and what's not. I mean honestly, i feel like people are afraid of loosing the one they 'love' because of the 'memories' or how much time they've invested, but i am a sole believer now that LOVE DOES NOT HURT. . . there's a bible verse out there that list's what love is all about, and i do believe it. If a guy is at the point where he's cursing you out, ridiculing you, embarrassing you, manipulating you. . basically, treating you any less than a QUEEN you need to walk away, i dont care how much you claim to love some one. . . one has to learn to draw the line somewhere. If he's putting other things/people before you and you allow it. . then what do you think is going to happen? you think he's just going to change based off a lecture you give him. . .um NO, a man will only do what you allow HIM TO DO. . and that's something I learned the hard way. I just feel like life is too short to be unhappy, too short to be worried about another individual who isn't even family. . . and i guarantee that the best feeling you will ever receive is when you find the strength to walk away, not only walk away but to walk away and leave it there. and that's real
so the moral of the story is, never settle for than anything less than what you KNOW you deserve. there is SOMEONE for everyone, and some people are put in your life for season, and other's for a lifetime, it's up to you to make the decision. "Don't make seasonal situations turn into life time problems".
It is fact that all GUYS ARE NOT THE SAME, and contrary to popular belief there are MORE where that one came from. Take it as a learning experience and chuck the dueces.
Breaking up or walking away is never easy. . .and it probably never will be, but you will endure more pain i think by trying to patch things up then just giving up and leaving the pieces broken.
What's the point of holding on to some one especially when there are no major ties keeping you there [ie: marriage or kids]--life goes on. But ultimately people make the decision of how they want to live their life. I'm in no position to tell anyone to go left or to go right. . I only encourage people to not tread in footsteps that have already been formed, but to make a new path and do something different.
So with that being said. . hate the player, not the game.
Once you switch up the roster, you will indeed find a new found appreciation for the game.